20 julho 2007 sexta-feira « Celina’s World Journal

Posted by: Celina | 20 July 2007

20 julho 2007 sexta-feira

It’s 5:19a and I can’t sleep. Obrigada a deus que é sexta-feira! Ok, that didn’t roll off the tongue like TGIF does (some things are better in English…). Initially, I tried to not indulge the crescendo of thoughts running in my head but thought better of going with my flow and using it as an advantage. Hence, here I am writing it down.

The Dangers of Learned Helplessness

Yesterday, the office filed my application for an Angolan diplomatic visa and so I had some pictures taken. The admin chief said, “I hope they accept your pictures.” (She had doubts because I was wearing a neck scarf.) I asked her if we could call to verify so that we don’t find out next week that the process has to be delayed and so I miss my flight to New York. And, in that moment, I understood that there’s a big difference between what individuals believe to be under their control and what is not. And, some of the consequences are grave.

Girls’ Night, Luanda Style

On Tuesday night, I met up with Kasia, my new and wonderful friend who works for the Global Fund, and Mary Theresa, another new and kind friend, for a night of discussion. Now, Kasia has called it a Bible Study, but I think of it more as a time to reflect on life and its spiritual dimensions. And, much to the surprise of us all, it was great fun. No matter what the pretext, to carve out some time for reflection, whether it’s in a group or by myself, helps me to get perspective (aka the world doesn’t revolve around me). We came to the shared conclusion that each of us is happiest when we’re helping other people, despite the difficulties. My former colleague, Jimmy had this quote at his desk and the group loved it. It goes something like:

Give me the courage to change what I can;

the humility to accept what I can’t;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

It’s the last line that’s the crux of life, I think.

The Wise Simple Man

I’ve also had good conversations with Fritz the roommate. Last night, while we were swatting the mosquitoes away, we talked about the idea of human rights, ethics education and what makes a person of high value in society. I shared that it seems that no matter where one is in the world, we all hold those who are “educated” in high esteem. And, often, for good reason. But, we all know if many people who have many degrees hanging on the wall and are not such nice folks, or some infamous brilliant men and women who have done downright horrible things to others. And, in the end, given the trade-off, we agreed that it is MUCH better to be a good person with little formal education than to be educated and be downright nasty. And, I think that in the predominantly capitalist society that we live in, there is no real value placed on kindness, grace, humility, caring. So, we have people who are paternalistic who think they know better (because of the pieces of paper on the wall) and can “set people straight,” giving them license to shout and be disrespectful. And, it seems, it’s a dance of beliefs that all buy into - even the kind, unschooled person (who, I would argue can also be very wise). Oh, it’s too early to be ranting :).

Celina’s Beach Hut

I am in the middle of arranging for a place to live, and, let’s all cross our fingers that it works out. It’s a little house right on the water on the Ilha (the little finger of an isthmus that juts into the ocean, creating the Bahia da Luanda). It’s got everything I need - lots of light, an open kitchen/living area, a peaceful bedroom with a view and it can be secured. On this last point, I am not skimping - I promise! The good thing about the house is that it is literally sandwiched between 2 other houses, so it just has to be secured on 2 sides - the beach side and the street side. On the beach side, the sliding glass doors have the lovely iron bars, reminiscent of growing up among Filipinos in the ‘nard. And, on the street side, there is a gated enclosure and a guard will sit just outside. And, since there are a few bedrooms, I’m seriously considering a roommate (preferably one who speaks Portuguese!).

Now, I haven’t moved too quickly, because it also needs some work. This exercise is just like finding a place in NYC - you can’t have everything you want - trade-offs must be made, or else you pay a truckload of cash. In this case, the place needs a roof and a generator. Now, you might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. But, it’s also not as bad as it seems. Pictures will soon follow so you can catch my drift. Now, for those of you with the furrowed brows, not to worry. I’m taking a few veteran Luanda renters to see the place and give me their opinion.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying my stay in the breezy 9th floor walk-up (who cares if the water wasn’t working last night…)

There’s Craziness Everywhere

I heard about the pipe explosion in NYC a few hours after it happened, as I was on-line. It looked dramatic and probably caused quite a scare in the immediate vicinity (poor heart attack guy!). In my office the next day, some expressed concern and were worried about “what’s happening in New York.” Now, come on people, there are 12 million land mines scattered around this country and we’re shocked at bad things going on elsewhere? Meanwhile, it was a non-event for friends’ co-workers on Wall Street. Go figure.

Good Reasons for Hope

Now, it may not seem like it, but I’m actually also working! Yesterday we visited a partner organization, which is a part of the Ministry of Youth and Sport. The program brings young people together (~15-24 year-olds) to train them as health advocates and send them into the community. Despite what I had heard about some of our issues with the management, I was truly impressed by what I saw. The 18 young people were to create a response for given a scenario about Maria and Lucia - young, pregnant, and possibly HIV+ (this could all be wrong but I’m doing my best with the Portuguese…). During their presentation, I was struck by the level of engagement, analysis, and creative problem-solving. To make organizations like this function better - that’s what this work is all about…